Life Explained

A boat docked in a tiny Mexican fishing village.
A tourist complimented the local fishermen on the quality of their fish and asked
how long it took him to catch them.

"Not very long." they answered in unison.
"Why didn't you stay out longer and catch more?"
The fishermen explained that their small catches were sufficient to meet their needs and those of their families.

"But what do you do with the rest of your time?"

"We sleep late, fish a little, play with our children,
and take siestas with our wives.
In the evenings, we go into the village to see our friends,
have a few drinks, play the guitar, and sing a few songs.
We have a full life."

The tourist interrupted,
"I have an MBA from Harvard and I can help you!
You should start by fishing longer every day.
You can then sell the extra fish you catch.
With the extra revenue, you can buy a bigger boat."

"And after that?"
"With the extra money the larger boat will bring,
you can buy a second one and a third one and so on until you have an entire fleet of trawlers. Instead of selling your fish to a middle man, you can then negotiate directly with the processing plants and maybe even open your own plant.

You can then leave this little village and move to Mexico City,
Los Angeles, or even New York City!

From there you can direct your huge new enterprise."

"How long would that take?"
"Twenty, perhaps twenty-five years." replied the tourist.
"And after that?"

"Afterwards? Well my friend, that's when it gets really interesting, "
answered the tourist, laughing. "When your business gets really big, you can start buying and selling stocks and make millions!"

"Millions? Really? And after that?" asked the fishermen.

"After that you'll be able to retire, live in a tiny village near the coast,
sleep late, play with your children, catch a few fish, take a siesta with your wife
and spend your evenings drinking and enjoying your friends."

That's what I am doing now !! Replied the fisherman.

And the moral of this story is:
Know where you're going in life.... you may already be there!!

Beautiful!

Divorce

An elderly man in Mumbai calls his son in New York and says,

'I hate to ruin your day son, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are getting a divorce; 35 years of marriage... and that much misery is enough!'

'Dad, what are you talking about?' the son screams.

'We can't stand the sight of each other any longer,' the old man says.

'We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Hong Kong and tell her!'

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone.

'Like heck they're getting divorced,' she shouts, 'I'll take care of this.'

She calls Mumbai immediately, and screams at the old man, 'You are not getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then , don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR??' and she hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. 'Okay', he says, 'It's all set. They're both coming for our anniversary and paying their own airfare!!'

For those who think they know everything

The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as a substitute for

Blood plasma.
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No piece of paper can be folded in half

more than seven (7) times. Oh go ahead...I'll wait...~
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Donkeys kill more people annually

Than plane crashes or shark attacks. (Watch your Ass )
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You burn more calories sleeping

than you do watching television.
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Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are fifty (50) years of age or older.
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The first product to have a bar code

was Wrigley's gum.
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The King of Hearts is the only king

WITHOUT A MOUSTACHE
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American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one (1) olive

from each salad served in first-class.
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Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.

(Since Venus is normally associated with women,what does this tell you!) *********************************************************************
Apples, not caffeine,

are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.
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Most dust particles in your house are made from

DEAD SKIN!
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The first owner of the Marlboro Company died of lung cancer.

So did the first ' MarlboroMan.'
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Walt Disney was afraid

OF MICE!
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PEARLS MELT

IN VINEGAR!
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The three most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.
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It is possible to lead a cow up stairs...

but, not downstairs.
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A duck's quack doesn't echo,

and no one knows why.
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Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush be kept at least six (6) feet away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush.

(I keep my toothbrush in the living room now!)
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Richard Millhouse Nixon

was the first U.S. president whose name contains all the letters from the word 'criminal.' (who thinks up this stuff???)

The second?
William Jefferson Clinton

(Please don't tell me you're SURPRISED!!!)
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And the best for last.....

Turtles can breathe through their butts.
(I know some people like that, don't YOU?)

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(1) DON'T LOOK AT NAKED LADY
Boy 1: Why do you run from a naked lady?
Boy 2: Becos my mum said that if I look at a naked lady, I'll
turn into stone. A part of me is getting hard already!

(2) NAMES OF WIVES
A malay man had 4 wives, and he called his...
4th wife..... baby doll
3rd wife.....china doll
2nd wife.....barbie doll
1st wife..... panadol !

(3) HOW INDIA GOT ITS NAME
This is how India got its name.....
The king was having sex with his mistress while thinking a name
of his country and his mistress ask him "is it In Dear?"...

(4) RESEARCH FINDING
Research shows men are fatter than women because every-night men
get fresh milk & 2 big papayas while women only get 1 banana, 2 peanuts & 1 tea-spoon of starch!

(5) ARAB MAN
An arab was being interviewed at a US checkpoint.
'Your name pls.'?
"Abdul Aziz "
"Sex? "
"Six times a week!! "
"No, no, I mean male or female! "
"Doesn't matters, sometimes even camel !"

(6) SERVICE
Sex is like a restaurant.
Sometimes you get full satisfactory service,
and sometimes you have to be satisfied with self-service"

(7) HAPPY MAN
What makes a happy man?
Daughter on the cover of cosmo.
Son on the cover of sports illustrated.
Mistress on the cover of playboy
and .. Wife on the cover of "missing persons"

(8) SWIMSUIT
Why was the 2-piece swimsuit invented?
To separate the HAIRY section from the DAIRY section.

(9) GOOD AMBITION
Teacher: What do you want to become?
Little Johnny: Doctor !!
Teacher: Why?
Little Johnny: Coz its the only profession where u can tell a
woman to take off her clothes and ask her husband to pay for it.

(10) DENTIST
Woman complaining to dentist: "It's so painful, I'll rather have
a baby than have a tooth removed."
Dentist: "Make up your mind soon, I'll adjust the chair
accordingly."

(11) VIRGIN
Old lady, 85, a virgin, about to die. wanted her tombstone to
read : BORN A
VIRGIN, LIVED A VIRGIN, DIED A VIRGIN.
The engraver shortened it to: " RETURNED UNOPENED "

(12) OLD MAN AND YOUNG GIRL
75 yr old man got married to a 15 yr girl.
On their first night both were crying - why???
Coz she didn't know anything, and
he had forgotten everything.